Iceland

 And we're back.

We stayed at Skuggi Hotel in Reykjavik. A good location, only one street away from the main drag Laugavegur, but quiet at night. It has a nice bar/breakfast area, the staff were friendly, the breakfast was right up my street, buffet with healthy stuff, cereals, toast, pastries, bacon and eggs, tea coffee and juice. We like a modern style hotel, this was a bit "Ikea-y" and getting a little frayed, but perfectly acceptable. The lighting is moody throughout, having a shave is a risky business. If you are tempted to book the expensive room, don't bother - all the rooms and beds are the same size, same furnishings and fittings, the only extra you get is a bathrobe and slippers. I needn't have worried about food, there are literally hundreds of restaurants with all the worlds cuisines on offer. Sallie cried every time she saw puffin on the menu, my attitude of "either eat all the animals or none of them" got me the stare of doom 

It's expensive, even for a tourist trap. We took ISK 75,000 (about £500) and spent about ISK 65,000 in three days. That did include a very expensive (but fabulous) meal in the posh restaurant at the Blue Lagoon, ISK 25,000 alone. We aren't boozers (well, Sallie doesn't drink much and I'm trying not to drink alone), so if you like a drink I reckon your spend would be much higher. The holiday with TUI was £985, i.e. flights, hotels, transfers, two "trips" all cattle class. This morning I priced it out, fly with Easyjet, book the same hotel AND rent a Suzuki Grand Vitara with full insurance would be about the same cost, £960, but with the added advantage of not having to waste half the holiday getting on and off coaches, sat cramped, with rude fat tourists (had my poorly ankle trod on twice by fat cunts who just have to get off the bus RIGHT NOW to get another donut in their fat cunty face. The second time my sense of humour evaporated, I got an apology from the fat cow's male whale accomplice when he saw I'd just managed to restrain myself from swinging for her).

It's a city, however small. In the main, people are pushy and inconsiderate. Few manners on show. My habit of holding a door for the next person just got looks of bafflement from all nationalities. I suspect I'm just out of date. I felt like I do when I go to London or any big city I suppose, it takes me a few days to adapt. If you want to get around at any reasonable speed, you'll have to drop your shoulder and charge on through. It gets more friendly as you head along the Laugavegur towards the Iceland Academy of Arts, the feel of the place changes to a scruffier, more hipstery studenty end of town, and the cafe staff where much more friendly and engaging. Further research needed, but it seemed to me that it was the younger Icelanders that were friendly, most of the shop and restaurant staff away from the University appeared to be Polish. The Icelanders are quite fiercely independent, passionate about their country. "Our water is fantastic and you spend all your money on Evian, our lamb is fantastic and you spend all your money in Macdonalds" etc. I asked one lady about the cost of living given the high shop prices, but couldn't make myself understood. I think she was saying that wages are quite high in comparison to us. I thought that maybe utilites etc might be cheap as it's all geothermal, rent/house prices might be cheap, but I'm not sure. In actuality you're unlikely to meet a full Icelander, there's only 320,000 or so of them (about half the population of Bristol) in an area about the size of Ireland and Wales combined (albeit mostly uninhabitable). I was very amused asking about the family name thing, Icelanders don't have them. As you all know, Mastermind presenter Magnus Magnusson is, quite literally, "Magnus, son of Magnus". If Magnus has a sister, she would be Anna Magnussdottir, "Anna, daughter of Magnus", so there is no family surname like we have. Imagine you're a young Icelandic guy, in a bar you meet a young Icelandic girl, you think her freckles are cute, she loves your beard, your place or mine? But how do you know she's not a long lost blood relative before you do the deed? Well, you have to check in the book first  although there's an app for that too. But given that all Icelanders are decended from the same bloodline, they probably don't bother.

We went to the Hallgrimskirkja Church as recommended above, I'm not a God Botherer so it didn't mean much to me, just another penis pointing skyward in exaltaion to the myth of deity. Sallie liked it though. I liked the stylised Viking ship looking out to sea, and the concert hall was nice. The Punk Museum was closed, it's in a converted public lavatory. It was snowy everywhere, most of the pavements had been cleared, but a few aren't. Leave your trainers at home and wear your hiking boots. Don't worry about dressing well for a fancy restaurant, everyone just wears several layers of technical fabrics, topped by jumpers, down jackets, Doctor Who scarves and wanky woolly hats. Boots are ubiquitous.

 

A giant concrete erection

 

Nice, but surely it'll sink when we launch it?

The roads look OK, despite the snow. Snow tyres compulsory in winter (presumably all months except July and August?). Some of the roads in town have an embedded hard stone in the tarmac, presuambly to stop the snow plough damage. Cars on studded tyres are common, they sound like they are driving over bubble wrap, which my childish brain found most amusing. Out of town, we did The Golden Circle - the Geysir was OK but I wasn't that bothered by it, the rift between the North American and Eurasian techtonic plates was talked up like mad, don't bother, it's just a snowy hole in the ground. The Waterfalls at Gullfoss however I loved, could have spent a lot longer there. But pacakge holiday restictions mean the coach with the Mad Icelandic Tour Guide Who Won't Shut Up For Five Minutes So I Can Have A Snooze (MCIGWWSUFFMSICHAS) mean it's get on the bloody bus, or walk home. 

Sorry about the stray elbow in the shot

Saving the best for last, The Blue Lagoon. Massively overhyped. Expensive doen't even cover it. I'm not sure I can think of a polite word to cover the price, but I loved it. I was getting right into my Zen Mode with my second face pack, found a quiet corner, unfortunately within five minutes I was joined by a rowing Manc couple ("You don't want this baby" "I told you to go and get the injection, you know I didn't want a third kid"), showing that even in the epicentre of calm, tourists are a complete pain in the arse who don't have a single clue how to behave (O irony, we salute you). My internal snob thought that the Jeremy Kyle crowd wouldn't be able to afford Iceland, seems I was wrong, again. Not that the Tarquin and Tabitha crew have any more manners, or concept of an indoor voice. I moved to the steam room and worked on my sinuses instead of listening to this shite. Even this didn't upset me, I was right in the zone. Nor did the Chinese fuckwits in the changing room. We ate in the posh restaurant that night as above, and the food was spectacular, good service, the bill was an arse raping. ISK 25,000 (£166 ish) with no wine, real once in a lifetime stuff. 

I know it's crass to take pictures of food in a restaurant, couldn't give a shit in this instance

Would we go back? Definitely maybe. Too soon to say for sure. We still want to see the Northern Lights. We're discussing saving up to go for Sal's next significant birthday.